Rele tho? On for.hours… didnt

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Boreddd

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"I wish I had the body of a black girl… They have a huge ass, big tits, and a skinny waist.. what girl wouldn’t want that?"

asshole alexis

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Kitchen Bitch…

What the blog is about: Kitchen Bitch. A kitchen bitch is a female working in a kitchen who is tough and holds her own. She does NOT do pastries. She may work on Pantry but she really wants to work on Saute, Grill, Fry, or Broil. This blog is about me, a Kitchen Bitch, venting about what it’s like to work in a kitchen, and thoughts that run through my head.

   Halfway through highschool, I realized I didn’t want to be an architect anymore or a computer software programmer… I suck at math. So, I decided I wanted to be a pastry chef. I signed up for vocational school and was a Culinary school. Half of the day I’d be in my shitty highschool and the other half I was in Culinary School getting fat. Starting the school I did ServSafe, then came actually cooking. At first I was pissed because I wanted to get to baking. But as time went on I realized I really fucking love cooking. Baking is too much of a science and your options are limited. With cooking, it’s a whole other world. I honestly love cooking and have a strong passion for it. I started off as a waitress at a retirement home then started helping the kitchen out and the dishwashers. I was making waffles or omlets on Sundays or Pasta Station on Fridays. Then the summer rolled around and I started my first actual job as a cook. I learned fast and grew to love the atmosphere and the adrenaline of working behind a line. I started out prepping then, moved to pantry, where i prepared sandwiches, desserts, and salads. I rememmber my boss telling me a female was working behind there and was overwhelmed by all of the orders and freaked out. I was nervous at first because I thought i was going to freak out. I started doing each ticket.. Got it all down pat. pshhh.. peace of cake. My sous chef watched me work the station and realized that I learned quickly and work well under pressure. I moved to the fry station. Mastered it. Moved to grill. Med Rare burger? No problem. then Saute. Easy. This was lunch that I had learned in under 3 weeks. Now, a kitchen is predominately males. So me, a pretty female, get what they called “Sexually harrassed”…. but me? I thought it was hilarious. I can woork with guys. they need a pretty face to work in the kitchen fortuntely for them, I can be a perverted asshole right back. I find it fun. “damn girl nice ass” “you have such pretty eyes” “I wish we could go in the walk in and fuck” “you look beautiful today” shit like that… doesn’t phase me. they become like my perverted family. I love all of them. Yea you’re gonna have that one person you fucking hate, but who doesn’t? I stayed at this beach club for three years. Eventually I was working nights. A lot more busy and a tad bit harder. First time I was in the middle… woooo i was a dear in head lights. but I got used to it and could push out food as fast, if not faster than any male in that kitchen. Next jobs, it was the same shit, different toilet. Except I started working with spanish people more. “Grande Culo” and other perverted spanish terms. Of course every male is either surprised or jealous that I can actually work as hard and as fast as any male in a kitchen. I’ve had rumors that I flirt my way to the top… Yea that explains how I work faster than you and harder… RIIGHHHTT! You’re just mad that a girl is showing you up in a predominately male kitchen. Sorry I’m not fucking sorry. Currently I am working Pantry in the place I work in now… I fucking hate it. I hate Pantry for a couple reasons. 1). It insults my intelligence; stupid, slow people work that station. 2). you put me on the station because I am a female and you feel as if it’s the only job i’ll do right (make sandwiches and desserts) 3). I am sorry but I do have work experience behind a line cooking hot food. My passion is cooking, not making fucking sandwiches. I am learning nothing by being on pantry. I get more dumb everyday by being on pantry. But my goal is to learn every fucking thing on that station so I can get the fuck off of Pantry. I’d like either Grill, Broil, or Saute… I won’t even do fry.. it’s not hard to drop something in a fucking fryer… It’s sad that I have to break down a ticket to someone who’s been working on Pantry for almsot a year and I’m new to the kitchen and I have to teach you the system… And males in a kitchen think i’m stupid? Think again assholes. I bust my ass as hard as any of you mother fuckers. I don’t expect you to help me with anything. But I will admit. Females in a kitchen have a bad rep for expecting to be prissy princesses in a kitchen. Fortunately… I am not one of them. If I have a question I will ask. But I will hardly ever ask you to do something for me unless my hands are absolutely full. If I work with any of you males.. I feel sorry for you. I am a Kitchen Bitch.

-Asshole Alexis

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01st
September
01st
September
01st
September

For real… The steak was shaped like a penis lol (Taken with Instagram)

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Moving out of state? Don’t fucking tell anyone! Just listen to this :

     Dear Young Future Movers: 

Wanna move out? Not so fast you fucking retard. 

     So I have a few topics I have on my mind and I figured to let out my frustration i’d let it out on my blog. That’s What your supposed to do right? Well my topic of the hour is about moving. I currently want to move to Augusta, GA. NO JOKE. I’m from fucking New Jersey and I’m about to try to move to Georgia. Now, I have told some family members and friends and of course, wrong fucking thing to do. No one is supporting my decision on me moving there. They ask why and I tell them because it’s cheap. Seriously. It is. Gas is $3.11 in Augusta, GA and here in Tinton Falls, NJ its like $3.69. There are two main websites that help with first time-young-movers like myself. First website: areavibe.com next is something like frugal living.com.

      With area vibe it tells you the demographics about a certain area and can compare which is cheaper to live, your city or the city you want to move to. It gives you a breakdown of the percentage of the different races, tells you how much gas would be and how much cheaper or expensive the cost of living would be. Augusta, GA is overall 35% cheaper to live than Tinton Falls, NJ. I found a beautiful 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment in GA for $739 per month. I can’t even get a studio for that much in NJ!!!!!! House buyer? Just want something small? a 3 bedroom 2 bath ranch in GA cost $70,000. If you get a 30 year loan with an interest rate of 4% and $2,500 down payment, you’d be paying a mortgage for literally $314 per month… WTF?!!?!?. Jobs? I don’t know about you but I’m a cook. I googled around the area checked to see restaurants to work at. PLENTY of them for me to find a job.

     Need to create a budget to know how much you need to make or how much you should save up to live there?That’s where the frugal living website comes in. You use their budget calculator and BOOM! you’ve made yourself a budget. Figure the rest out and you’ve got yourself a plan. I need to save up at least $10,000 for me to feel financially secure while I’m down there. 10 grand can easily let me be able to pay for 3 months rent security deposit, bills, utilities, furniture and anything I need to survive for three months until I actually find and get a job.

     Now, If you’re a lazy, dumb, piece of shit, that can’t save your money or can’t find a job easy because you’re good for nothing… you might not want to try to do what I’m going to do. And if you are smart enough listen to me: DO NOT TELL YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY YOU ARE MOVING UNTIL YOU HAVE IT COMPLETELY FIGURED OUT AND YOU’RE READY TO MOVE. The moment you spill the beans early, that’s when they’re going to give you their two cents on why you shouldn’t do it blah blah blah. DON’T LISTEN. Just keep it to yourself.

     Save up a good amount of money, make a plan, and just fucking do it. It’s your life. It’s going to take me at least a year to save up that amount of money. So now I have plenty of time to plan out a good budget and keep track of living expenses in my new town I want to move in to. Like I said, don’t tell anyone who you know won’t support your choice to move. So my fellow future movers! Good fucking luck on your journey! 

- Asshole Alexis

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29th
July
advice #1: Hangovers Cure: drink one beer in the morning, a shot of pepto bismol, and 2 excedrin. It DOES work.

advice #1: Hangovers Cure: drink one beer in the morning, a shot of pepto bismol, and 2 excedrin. It DOES work.

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Money it takes me two weeks to get, one day to fuckin spending. Fuck you bills and broken car

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Things I Say While Driving

Me: Fuck you, oh. Fuck. You.

Me: What the fuck are you doing. What. The fuck. Are you doing.

Me: NICE BLINKER ASSHOLE.

Me: Good luck in the slow lane there, bud.

Me: Why the FUCK are we not even going to speed limit. Why.

Me: Lolol your car's a piece of shit.

Me: If I miss that green light because of you...

Me: You're gonna cut me off? You better hope you have a damn good accelerator, bitch.

Me: I AM GOING TEN MILES PER HOUR OVER THE SPEED LIMIT WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT

Me: Shit is that a cop? No.

Me: Shit THAT is a cop.

Me: Nope, roof rack.

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"i give no fucks"

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